Gender Bender Red VS Blue
by ChurchXTex is a must
Summary: Caboose orders something online and unfortunately it is functioning perfectly...
1. Chapter 1

**I own nothing of value but a creative license. Red vs Blue is owned by Roosterteeth and Halo is owned by Microsoft or whoever.**

 **Watch 'Immortals - Red vs Blue' on Youtube by xTexx, not because it suits the story or anything, just because I listened to it while writing.**

 **This takes place between series 5 and 6 before anyone is shipped out. Sister is left out because I'm forgetful.**  
 **This is my first fanfic okay?!**

There was a loud thump from across the canyon and a small shock through the ground. Sarge got up from fixing the warthog, he wasn't doing that good of a job without Lopez. From blue base Sarge could hear Church yell at the top of his voice.

"CABOOSE!" His yelling echoing around the canyon.

"Tucker did it!" Came Caboose's reply.

Sarge heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Simmons running up to him. "Sir! The blues have received a dropship!" He stammered out.

From inside the base Sarge could hear something about how the crash had interrupted Donut mounting something. Grif could also be heard complaining about being woken up early.

Sarge ordered Simmons to get Donut, Grif and Sarge's own personalized shotgun.

"Yes sir! Might I add how good of an idea this is! We can bring the warthog and Donut can use his motorbike!" Simmons immediately said. "And if Grif doesn't come willingly then you can throw him in the back of the warthog!"

AT BLUE BASE

Church and Tucker viewed the giant pod as Caboose read a cooking magazine upside down and whilst eating a cookie dipped in orange juice. The side of the pod was labeled with 'Shipment 496'. Church took a look at the registration on the side and reading that Caboose had ordered and authorized the shipment.

"Caboose you didn't get another beef jerky shipment did you? Because we still haven't finished eating the last one!" Tucker pointed out.

"Guys, we should get to cover... Like RIGHT NOW!" Church yelled as he backed away towards their base.

The reds stopped their vehicles on top of a ridge. Simmons was attempting to use a sniper rifle to scout the blue base, he noted that Sheila was on the far side of the base.

Sarge called out to the blues "What do you have there dirtbags?" Grif awoke to the yelling and clambered out of the warthog trying to clamber away. Only Simmons noticed him moving and didn't mention it to Sarge. Grif tripped on his own feet in his exhaustion and rolled down the small incline coming to a stop in the shade of the pod. Upon coming to rest by the pod Grif took the opportunity to take a nap.

Church yelled out to the reds, "Caboose ordered it! Let's have a ceasefire and we can all investigate!"

Sarge considered this before coming to the conclusion that this was a trap and the pod was a bomb. On the other hand, if they convince Grif to activate it it could kill Grif! Such a pleasing thought to Sarge.

Unfortunately Simmons and Donut had their hands in the air and were walking towards the blues. Sarge grumbled about not enough peril for Grif or those dirty blues.

Meanwhile Church opened the pod revealing a sealed metal chamber. There was a door with a note on it. 'Beware, danger. Machine in Beta testing stage. Gender Bender^tm V 1.02'.

"We need someone stupid and expendable if it fails, but someone who wouldn't change much if it works." Church mused to himself. As he said it out loud everyone turned and stared at Donut, who was looking at the purple of his motorbike and comparing it to the pink of his armor.

Church and Simmons immediately grabbed Donut, Church on the right and Simmons on the left. Tucker quickly leapt to assist them and shoved him into the machine.

The door automatically closed shutting Donut inside the machine. A voice exactly like F.I.L.S.S.' spoke asking if they wanted to run the tutorial program.

Caboose immediately yelled, "YES!" Much to the dismay of the others. But as the computer started rattling off safety procedures and the controls Grif shifted in his sleep. His nose pushed against the manual radio override and everyone immediately heard his snoring in both their ears. It was deafening and they couldn't hear F.I.L.S.S. Sarge leapt over to Grif and tore his helmet off shouting something no one could hear past the ringing of their ears.

Caboose then saw a button and rushed forward to push it. After he pushed it he yelled "I like buttons!" The computer started up the program and everyone but Caboose and Grif backed away as quickly as possible. A loud whining sound coupled with the whir of electricity blasted out of the 'Gender Bender^tm'. It went for about twenty seconds before stopping. Sarge went up to the machine stepping on Grif on the way and knocked on the door.

"Donut are you alright?" Simmons asked.

They all heard a squeal of delight and Donut in a higher pitched voice excitedly said, "OH MY GOSH! I can't wait to try on my costumes!" Donut then burst out leaping from the machine and almost skipping to red base. Donut's hair trailed behind him, his (sorry... HER) helmet forgot on the floor of the machine.

Sarge and Simmons looked at each other and an understanding passed between them. Silently and without a single word they lifted Grif (with effort). They threw him in without his helmet as violently as possible. Grif didn't even stir, Church just sighed and pushed the button when the door closed, after all Grif would still not be a threat no matter the gender.

The blinking lights finished and the door opened. Grif had the same hair and skin color but his hair was longer. Tucker was looking at him in wonderment, besides the voice at the back of his head constantly saying 'Bow-chicka-bow-wow' the rest of him was thinking how similar Grif looked to Sister.

Simmons and Sarge with difficulty picked Grif back up and tossed him in the back of the warthog like a bag of trash.

Church finally spoke up, "Guys, this is untested equipment and we don't know if it can change you back or even if it irradiates you!"

"Don't worry. Also it is tested, it is in Beta testing." Tucker replied.

Caboose was chasing the 'tail' that Tucker had pointed out behind him a few days ago. Caboose then tripped over his feet and knocked a very angry Church into the machine. Caboose ran to Sheila as Church attempted to get out. The door slammed shut before Church could get there. He pounded on the door before realizing what might happen.

"Whatever you do don't push that button!" Church ordered and pleaded at the same time.

Sarge seeing an opportunity to cause the blues trouble pushed the button then ran to the warthog and drove off. "Simmons you can take Donut's motorbike!" Sarge yelled as he drove away. From Tucker's perspective Sarge was hitting every bump and ditch he could find whilst music blared out of the radio.

Tucker then looked at Simmons then stared at the machine. He could hear the distinct sound of armor unlocking and being disconnected. Tucker looked back at Simmons, they both knew the only explanation was that Church was removing his or the soon to be her armor.

Tucker grinned and said, "This outta be good!" Rubbing his hands together and awaiting for the door to open.

 **Probably either wont continue or wont be viewed.**


	2. Chapter 2

**There are continuity errors so deal with it. Sheila is alive according to what I last wrote so I'll go with it, also Sister probably will not make an appearance. Washington will be a part of this chapter.**

 **Watch 'Warrior - Red vs Blue' on Youtube by xTexx, not because it suits the story or anything, just because I listened to it while writing.**

There was a lot of swearing coming out of the machine as Simmons and Tucker nervously stood by and watched. Suddenly there was a hiss of the decompressed air being let out. The door swung open on oiled hinges and out stepped Church, she was wearing the black slick under-suit that was the protective layer beneath the normal armor. Her cobalt armor was piled in her hands haphazardly. Tucker almost gave a whistle but caught himself and reminded himself that it was still Church.

Church hesitantly stepped forward and then started hurrying towards Blue Base which wasn't very far from him (her). Tucker was in front of Church a few meters in front of the main entrance while Simmons was by the machine still and therefore behind Church. As Church rushed forward a shoulder piece fell from the pile in her hands. He (she) bent over to pick it up before realizing that Simmons was behind her and stood abruptly letting more pieces fall to the ground, Church spun around to face Simmons before remembering that Tucker was now behind her.

Church snapped around to face Tucker and asked Simmons in a nice voice, "Simmons, could you please pick up my armor?"

Simmons mumbled something unintelligible and stepped forward, crouching to pick up the armor. He put the armor on the pile in Church's hands and rushed back to beside the machine. Church hurried past Tucker and didn't notice him looking after her as she walked away. Once Church was out of sight and hearing Tucker turned to Simmons.

"Why the fuck did you pick up the armor for him, I mean, Church or her or whatever?" Tucker asked him sounding a bit exasperated.

"I get nervous around girls," Came Simmons reply. "Especially when they talk to me or pay attention to me! Don't judge me!"

Tucker looked at Blue Base then to the machine. "Once Church gets his mind back…" Tucker began.

" **Her** ," Simmons interjected putting emphasis on the word.

"Fine, once Church gets her mind back he will surely, almost instantly jump back in that machine and turn back into himself." Tucker glanced at Simmons to ensure he was following before he continued. "So if we destroy that machine then Church will have to stay a girl, correct?"

"No no no no no no, you can't do that, I don't want to be pummeled or stuck in a canyon with six people and not be able to talk to half of them." Simmons nervously said. But despite his protests as he talked Tucker turned to the machine and pulled out two grenades.

Tucker looked at Simmons and spoke, "Don't worry you won't get pummeled, I have a fool proof plan." And with that Tucker pulled the pins in the grenades and tossed them into the machine. Tucker and Simmons ran back behind a rock a safe distance away from the Gender Bender™ and out of sight of Blue Base. They watched on, Simmons in horror and Tucker nervously, as the machine blew up. Pieces of it flew across and stuck everywhere, a thirty centimeter piece flew into the rock near Simmons' head.

"CABOOSE!" Tucker called out. Simmons looked at Blue Base worried the plan would fail.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID CABOOSE DO NOW?!" Church yelled.

"Coming," Caboose sang cheerfully and jogged towards the base. "Is it dinner? No no is it Christmas? No no is it my Birthday?"

Tucker looked on at Blue Base for the spectacle, he turned to Simmons but Simmons wasn't there anymore. Tucker scanned the nearby area and saw Simmons halfway up the hill to Donut's motorbike. Tucker sighed, looked at Blue Base then waited.

 **ELSEWHERE**

"Recovery One aka Agent Washington, come in." The radio blared in Washington's helmet.

"Yes, what is it?" Came Wash's reply.

"We have a recovery beacon...It belongs to Agent York and the Delta A.I." There was a pause. "I'm sorry Wash." Washington turned to his table and flipped it over, his bed and his draws suffered the same fate. "Agent Washington, acknowledge."

"Acknowledged." Wash tried to keep the seething anger and sadness out of his voice. Wash didn't know how he could pull Delta from his friend's corpse and then either blow up his body or bring his body back to base. _No_ , thought Wash, _there **is** a way_.

 **LATER**

Washington stepped into a clean white room with what looked like a dentist chair in the center, also white. A man walked into the room and said plainly, "You want memories removed." It wasn't a question it was a statement, why else would anyone come here.

"Remove any memories of Agents York and North Dakota from my memories. But keep them safe for me should I want them again." Wash started to have second thoughts about it but he committed himself. "Actually remove any emotional memory about Agents York and North Dakota and any non-essential memories of the A.I. unit Delta. Save all the memories in something I can carry around with me and send back up copies to my personal computer."

"Is that all?" The man asked. When Wash nodded he turned to a metal trolley he brought with him and said, "Then let us begin."

 **I tossed up whether Church would be effected by the machine due to the fact that he is... well... spoilers! But at the moment he is a ghost in a robot body. So I had two different ideas of how it could have turned out and it affecting Church was too fun to pass up.**

 **Thank you to everyone who read the last chapter and thank you to everyone who read this chapter, that is the only reason why I made a second chapter.**

 **EDIT: Chapter three has been delayed due to technical issues. To waste a bit of time go and read my "Short Stories" about RvB.**


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